


Ever Thought of Having Sex?

by ANTHONYCOWWLEY



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Demon, Drinking, Drugs, Gen, Longing, Lust, M/M, Other, Pining, Rejection, Sex, Sloshed, Temptations, The almighty - Freeform, Velvet Underground - Freeform, angel - Freeform, drunk, im an angel youre a demon, pale blue eyes, shower, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:28:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23563072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTHONYCOWWLEY/pseuds/ANTHONYCOWWLEY
Summary: Crowley hadn't exactly planned on going there, but he was so sloshed that it just sort of happened. He'd been curious, for centuries -- and the alcohol made the question seem like less of a thing than usual.....
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Ever Thought of Having Sex?

Crowley's bathroom was as much the epitome of style as the rest of his flat. It had the same gray, cement walls. The same spaciousness. It had spotlights that lit the room only enough to keep it from being pitch dark (not that Crowley actually needed light to see -- he was a demon, after all). There was a black, vessel sink resting upon pure white marble. There were a couple of rubber tree plants. A black wall-mounted toilet. A full length mirror. No windows.

  
The shower was a space between two of the cement walls. That's where Crowley was, now. Fully clothed. The water came down from above like rainfall and filled the entire room with steam thick enough that most of anything just looked like a blur of colour (or, lack of). From the shower head, music played -- being a supernatural entity with an imagination made this sort of thing possible. It looked enough like a speaker, Crowley thought.

  
_Sometimes I feel so happy_  
_Sometimes I feel so sad_  
_Sometimes I feel so happy_  
_But mostly you just.... make me mad_  
_Baby, you just make me mad_  
_Linger oooooon your pale blue eyes_  
_Linger oooooon your pale blue eyes_

  
Crowley rested his back against the wall of the shower, hips pushed forward. It was almost like his upper body had given up on him while his lower half was still standing strong. His red hair had turned dark under the water and looked almost black as it stuck to his forehead. His yellow eyes were heavy-lidded and unfocused -- his lips were parted and he breathed heavily. He went to move, didn't get far -- accidentally kicked a bottle (scotch single malt. Aged 25 years. Well, it had been, anyway). That bottle hit another bottle which hit another bottle that hit another bottle. Lots of clanking. It reminded him to take a sip from the bottle in his hand. As he did, the empty bottles lifted from the floor and started flying around the room. 

  
Crowley had been in the shower for the past week. 

  
"Real--" Crowley began, speech slurred. He hiccuped. "Really---v'done it sthis time,didn you??" 

  
It was also possible that he'd been drinking. A lot. 

  
**FLASHBACK**

  
It'd been a while after the whole "Armageddon" thing. Crowley and Aziraphale had been making the most of their time (the time they had before the Big One. Armageddon Part 2) by drinking. Going out for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Going to plays, going to the cinema. Taking strolls, going for picnics. Crowley had even taken Aziraphale to London's Late Club at one point -- didn't end so well. 

  
Sometimes they'd hang out at the bookshop, have a chat. Other times they'd hang out at Crowley's place and watch tv in the lounge while sitting on his nice, white sofa-- this was one of those times. They'd had about 7 bottles of Chateau Pontet-Canet and were working on an eighth, watching one of Crowley's favourite shows -- The Golden Girls.

  
'Forgive me, Rose, but I haven't had sex in 15 years and it's starting to get on my nerves!' Sophia had said. 

  
Crowley hadn't exactly planned on going there, but he was so sloshed that it just sort of happened. He'd been curious, for centuries -- and the alcohol made the question seem like less of a thing than usual.....

  
"Mm, nn, aangel?" he'd asked from the left side of the couch, looking over at Aziraphale who was staring at the tv with creased brows and pursed lips. Aziraphale didn't often watch tv so when he did, he became completely immersed and it was difficult to catch his attention -- especially when he was drunk. 

  
"'Eey---" Crowley said, a bit louder. "'Ziraphale?"

Aziraphale looked over at Crowley, a small smile on his face that quickly disappeared when he realised Crowley was looking back at him expectantly.

  
"Oh -- Mm'forgive me, dear booy--did you---Did you say something?"

  
"Uuh-- oh. Oh, yeah-- have you ev--- 've you ever--" Crowley gestured toward the television, brows raised and eyes wide. Aziraphale's forehead wrinkled in confusion. 

  
"Hmm?" 

  
"Thought of.....y'know --" Crowley went on. He gave Aziraphale a look. He stared into Aziraphale's blue eyes so hard, the angel would have no other choice but to know exactly what he was talking about. 

  
"I'm--'fraid I don't know what-- you're talking about," Aziraphale said, looking back at the tv, then back at Crowley. Crowley rolled his head in momentary defeat. He tried again.

  
"Have you thought--- of---" 

  
Crowley stopped. He had to put this in a way that wouldn't scare Aziraphale off. He had to be subtle. "Joining---- parts?" he asked. 

  
"What-- whatever dyou mean?" Aziraphale responded. Crowley leaned back against the couch, shaking his head back and forth, feigning nonchalance. 

  
"Baaahhhffgggg..... ooohh just. Jusss y'know. Joinging--parts."

"Parts?" asked the angel.

  
"Y'know.... body parts," Crowley said, looking over at Aziraphale, one eye half closed. 

  
"Joining body parts?" 

  
"Yeeaaahh."

"As in... making corror--cor-- corporeal contact?" Aziraphale asked. 

  
"'Xxaactly," Crowley replied, taking another sip of wine. Finally, Aziraphale knew what he was saying.

  
"Such, such as.... grrrasping one another's hands during a how do you do you do?"

  
"Thas--no, s'not-- the thing I'm talking about. Y'know...." Crowley said and he twirled a finger. "What-- she said, on the telly-- about the thing." Another sip while he kept his eyes on the angel.

"I, I'm afraid I.... can't recall...." 

  
"Not holding hands -- joining-- OTHER body parts, angel."

  
"Other parts -- r-right, of--of course..." Aziraphale said, but his nervous smile gave him away -- he had no idea what Crowley was going on about. 

  
"More than---just hands, y'know? So ..... many parts, I mean -- got, got ff--whole entire bodies."

"Whole, whole bodies?" Aziraphale asked and then it was his turn to take a sip. 

  
"YES, so many parts, so much more than just----haaaands, am I right?" 

  
"I s'pose so..... I.... But.... Ah.... What about these parts?"

  
"What I'm saying's that...." Crowley bent over his own lap, spilling a bit of his wine on the floor. "You've got.... you've got entire bodies, right? You've got ---- sssooo much more than just hands, right??" 

"I.... y-yes, you're-- you're quite right, I do. Why, I -- I have -- I have legs, and-- " Aziraphale went on, looking down at his own legs with a smile on his face.

  
"No, not YOU'VE got -- I mean. Well, yeah -- but I mean--- I mean, the humans. Animals, too. So many parts--" Crowley hesitated a moment, trying to remember where he was going with this. Oh yeah. He was trying to ask Aziraphale if he'd ever thought of having sex. He burped then continued on. "You-- you ever think of--- you know?"

"So many parts?" 

"Yeah,joining-- other parts, f'you know what I mean." 

"I-I'm -- nnno." Aziraphale shut his eyes and shook his head back and forth. 

"Well.... you've, you've got--" Crowley looked down at the front of Aziraphale's trousers. "You've got.........." Did he even give himself the bits?? ".... HAVE you got??" 

Aziraphale looked at Crowley as if searching for an answer. Crowley couldn't take it anymore -- 

  
"Ever thought of having sex??" he asked. 

  
With that, Aziraphale's eyes widened. 

  
"O-oh!" Aziraphale smiled nervously, swallowed, then laughed breathlessly. "He-Heaven's no!" He frowned, smiled, frowned. He looked Crowley up and down, looked away at the tv, then did it again. He shifted in his seat, then brought his wine glass to his lips and quickly finished what was left in it.

  
Crowley raised a brow. He might have been drunk but he wasn't blind, or stupid for that matter. Obviously Aziraphale was lying -- he reeked of deceit -- but he was also clearly nervous, so if Crowley were to prod, he had to do it gently. 

  
"Oh, c'mon--- you've HAD to have been curious about it at leas' once in all 'f these 6,000 years. S'nothing to be ashamed of. I've thought about it," Crowley said and he finished the rest of the wine in his glass as well, then went to pour the two of them another.

  
"You--- I--- you----" Aziraphale stammered as Crowley filled his empty glass then set the bottle back down on the table and leaned back. Aziraphale watched, looking awfully uneasy. "Ww-well 'fcourse YOU have, you're a dem'n! It's your job to,to tempt the humans into sin, I 'magine it's--COME UP."

  
"WAS my job. WAS--Not 'nymore --- besides, SEX'ss not a sin -- LUST'ss a sin, s'a difference --- if nobody was having sex, everything would go extinct, you think ThE AlMiGhTy wants everything to go extict??"

  
"Well, well, no, but --- that's --- they're PROCREATING. That's, s'what they do -- but not what angels do." 

  
"So you HAVE thought about it, then."

"I ..... I ..... s'a possiblity."

  
Crowley smiled mischievously, looking inconspicuously over at Aziraphale as he sipped from the glass. 

\------ ------ ------ 

  
Over the next few days, once Crowley was more sober, he couldn't stop wondering. If Aziraphale had thought of having sex, who'd he bloody think about doing it with?? 

  
That night, after dining at the Ritz, they were back at Crowley's flat, in the lounge, sitting on the white sofa while drinking. It was what they did now; routine at this point. 

  
This time they had Cabernet Sauvignon; they were on bottle 7 and had been watching all of Sean Connery's James Bond films in order. Crowley had been a big fan ever since the first movie, Dr. No, came out in 1962. Bond had style, class -- he was clever, cunning, looked good in a suit, was a spy, a hero, and drove a 3.5 litre Bentley. What wasn't there to like? Aziraphale wasn't as much a fan, and had said so -- but after having sat with Aziraphale through so many of Shakespeare's gloomy plays over the years, he thought it was only fair.

  
They were watching the one scene in THUNDERBALL, where Bond and Patricia had sex in the steam room, when Crowley thought it might be a good time to continue prodding....

  
"So, so you've thought about it--- thought about having sex," Crowley started.

  
"Oh, go--good lord," Aziraphale responded, rolling his eyes.

  
"Waiwait, you, so you've-- thought about doing it............ who with ??" asked Crowley. 

  
"There's no--- absolontuley NO way --- NO!" 

  
"Was it Shakespeare?? Oh, please don't tell me it was Shakespeare," Crowley said, shutting his eyes tight and shaking his head back and forth -- just the idea made his skin crawl.

"It--- no, it wasn't... Shakespeare!" Aziraphale cried, looking at Crowley then around the room as if someone, or something, would hear them.

  
"Oscar Wilde?? It was Oscar Wilde, wasn't it, you aallways liked him," Crowley snarled.

"He was.... a very kind 'n ll--wonderful gentleman, but NO!"

  
Crowley stared at Aziraphale, arm over the back of the couch and brows furrowed.

  
"Was it the book girl?" he asked.

  
"F'course it wasn't the ... 'book girl!' What do you take me for, some -- some kind of ---debauchee!" 

Crowley shrugged and Aziraphale's jaw dropped. 

"A customer, then?" the demon asked. "Someone came into the bookshop and -- "

  
"No!" the angel shrieked.

"Some random human on the street?"

  
"Human beings are-- very......lovely, but I woun-wouldn't dare consider--!" 

  
Crowley's brows rose over his glasses.

  
"Ooh, oh, oh-- So it wasn't a human?"

"I--No! You daft-- you imbecile! You utter noncom--nincompoop!" 

  
Crowley jerked his head back, brows creasing -- almost pouting.

"Well,s'no need for that, nincompoop. Nincompoop -- you're a nincompoop."

  
Aziraphale ignored him and continued...

  
"I-- if you truly must know, it was -- t'was...... now, don't get any ideas, but I..... you s-you see, in Rome. After the, ah.... after the drinks. Before we..... got into the bath, you -- you remember, the public baths..... they were, were quite extraordinary --- but, yes, well, you--- and I--- the, um.... you used a dee- a demiracle -- uh, um--- that is, is to, to say --"

  
"Oohh, yeah--- I gave myself the bits. Would've looked weird if I hadn't," Crowley said and he spread his legs wider apart as if to emphasize the fact that he still had them.

"Yes, and then there were.... those.... those two gentlemen, and they were.... well. Getting, getting on with it, as they say."

"Had nothing to do with me," Crowley said defensively.

  
"Right, no, you--- you were....just beside me, and..... well. It's possible that I had.... considered.... making an effort myself, so -- so to speak, and--- the gentlemen, they..... and you --- well." 

  
Crowley stared at Aziraphale. 

  
"You! I thought of you!" the angel confessed. 

  
"Me??"

"Obviously!" 

  
It was quiet for a moment. Crowley's mouth hung open -- he stared at the tv without actually watching it. 

  
Aziraphale's forehead wrinkled and he clenched his teeth together, looking quite worried. 

  
"Oh, I can't believe I just--" He stopped talking mid-sentence so that he could finish the rest of the wine in his glass.

  
Crowley was gone. Lost in thought. Aziraphale had thought of having sex, and he'd thought of having sex, with him?? What exactly had the angel imagined? The men in Rome, they'd been doing it against a pillar, one behind the other -- is that what he'd thought of? The two of them doing it just like that? ... Had the angel imagined giving or receiving?? Seemed like more of a receiver, if Crowley had anything to say about it, but Aziraphale really was unpredictable for someone who was so predictable --   
There were so many questions. Had Aziraphale 'made an effort' since then?? And if he had, which bits? Human male? Female? Both?

  
"Oh, please say something!"

  
"Aah-- ......... me too."

"You-- you too?"

"Yeah, I.... 've thought about it. Having sex. With you."

  
And he had. He'd thought about it loads of times. He was a demon, after all, knew all about the seven deadly sins. Had a lot of experience with Lust-- whispered in a few ears back in the day. Was responsible for most of the stripclubs in the area (work smarter, not harder -- was his motto. He helped to get the establishments going, set them up in the busiest parts of town, and the humans did the rest. Not many of them resisted the temptation. Just the signs, themselves, got those lusty wheels turning). But anyway, he had experience, knew all about it. Lust, and sex (they weren't exactly the same thing -- you could have SEX without lust, you could have LUST without sex. He had sexual knowledge, either way). He'd just never actually INDULGED himself -- well, not with the humans. He had a wank (sometimes with his hands, other times with magic), now and again, out of curiosity. He'd always been very curious. And it was impossible not to think of Aziraphale during those times -- the angel was the only one Crowley really, truly cared about. The only one he'd actually WANTED to do it with. 

  
"O-oh, well.... that's.... um," Aziraphale responded, and he drank more wine. 

  
It was quiet for the rest of the evening as the two let their imaginations run wild.

\------ ------ ------

A few days later, they were back at it. Crowley's flat. Lounge. Sofa. Lots of alcohol. This time they were watching The Good Place. They were on episode 12 (they'd been there a while) -- 

  
"Can this train go any faster, Janet? No pressure, but Jason and I will literally be tortured for all of eternity if we get caught," said Eleanor.

  
"Don't worry, there's no way to tell we're going to Mindy St. Clair's house. It'll be our sexy little secret. Jason taught me about sexy things," responded Janet.

  
"Oh, yeah? What things did he say were sexy?" Eleanor asked.

  
"Lamborghinis, cool snakes, spinning rims, 20,000 followers on Instagram, girls with pigtails eating lollipops, latex pants, Carl's Jr. ads, and sex."

  
Crowley thought Janet had a point about the snakes.

  
"So," the demon began and he took a sip of wine, straight from the bottle before looking over at Aziraphale. "V'you....... given yourself the bits?" he asked, cautiously.

  
"Oh, my -- word-- ! Crowley, please!" 

"You have, haven't you?"

"-- ONLY for the sake 'f keepking up 'pearances. I 'ave not used... them."

"Ww, would you like to? I mean, yynn, personally, I'm up for it if you are--"

Aziraphale tensed and flew off the couch, spilling his drink and nearly tripping over the coffee table. 

  
"Oh--B'solutely not!!" he exclaimed. 

  
"Well, be -- be careful, you bloody idiot, you're going to.... get youself, dis--hic--discorporated--" Crowley responded. 

  
"Oh, oh my, oh dear, I -- s'time to sober uup, I think!" Aziraphale cried. Crowley stared at Aziraphale, jaw slack and eyes wide, watching as the angel sobered. With half the bottles full once more, Aziraphale looked at Crowley as if he'd just been ... well. Asked if he wanted to have sex.

"L-Listen," Aziraphale started. Crowley squinted to get a better look -- 

  
"Would you please sober up!" the angel yelled.

  
"Wwwwhy?" Crowley asked, taking another sip. 

  
"Because I can't talk to you when you're..... like this!" 

  
Crowley stared at Aziraphale. The spotlight above the angel's head flickered on and off. Strange. Crowley snapped and it stopped. 

  
"Do you hear me? Oh, for Heaven's---" Aziraphale looked up, fearfully. His demeanour changed quite drastically -- he brought his hands together and began to fidget. "Well.... somewhere's sake," he finished, despondently. He seemed disappointed and when he looked at Crowley, Crowley couldn't help but give in. 

  
"Aaallriiight," the demon sighed, putting the glass down. He sobered up, then grimaced, wiggled his tongue. Tasted like acid. "Bleeggh, s'disgusting," he said to himself. 

  
"Now that I have your attention, I will.... remind you, that I am an ANGEL, and ANGELS don't... indulge in.... the sins that a DEMON might indulge in," he said, and he began pacing before Crowley. Crowley arched a brow -- he didn't like this already. What was this about being an angel? About not giving into temptations, about not being like a demon? He thought they were over this. A twinge of pain shot through his chest. Was a little question like this going to send them that far back? 

  
"Which are?" he asked.

  
"Well.... wrath, for a start!" Aziraphale began. "Sloth. Greed, pride, envy! Gluttony! .... LUST!" He looked Crowley up and down then quickly looked away, wringing his hands together. "SINS!" he cried before he turned around. 

  
"You do realise you've indulged in almost all of those things?" 

  
Aziraphale looked at Crowley, then looked at the treats and the alcohol on the table. Looked at the couch he'd been sitting on. He smoothed his hand down his stomach, self-consciously. 

  
"Didn't say anything about lust, anyway," Crowley said. "S'not lust, it's.... curiosity. That's it. Aren't you at all curious?"

  
"No!" Aziraphale looked at Crowley with big, scared blue eyes. "No, we are not doing this! We are not talking about --- this! Not in a million years!" He started heading out of the lounge. "I--I think I'll be toddling off, now! Books to alphabetize! Shelves that need dusting!" 

"Well, hang on--" 

"Taxes that need filing! You know how it is!" 

  
"Aziraphale--" the demon added, standing up from the couch to follow.

"Dreadfully sorry, but I really must be going! Thank you for the lovely evening! It was nice seeing you! I look forward to our next meeting! Pip pip! Good bye!" Aziraphale went on, through the hall, through the plant room, into the office and out of the flat. 

  
Crowley stood at the end of the hall, perplexed for a moment before he went back into the lounge. He sat on the couch and sighed, defeated. He poured himself another glass of wine, intending to get drunk again, and leaned back -- eyes on the tv. 

  
He ought to be used to this sort of thing by now, he thought. 

"See you next century, then," Crowley said, bringing the glass to his lips to take another sip. 

  
\------ ------ ------

  
After that, there were no more picnics. There were no more strolls at St James Park, no more drinking. No more going out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. No more going to plays, going to the cinema. No more chats at the bookshop. No more movies at his place. No more THEM. It wasn't that Crowley didn't try -- he'd called Aziraphale a few times, trying to arrange SOMETHING, but he was rejected each time. 

  
At the end of the first week without Aziraphale...

  
"Uuh, hey, angel --- I've got -- two tickets to see Hamlet, front row seats, if you're interested." They'd seen it together loads of times now, and Crowley had grown sick of it, never really liked it to begin with, but Aziraphale liked it, always had, and it'd become a THING. 

  
"Ooh! I, ah-- I'm sorry, Crowley, but I'm.... rather busy! I have been all this week, in fact! I don't think I'll have a minute to spare for quite some time!"

  
"Ooh, yeah -- yeah, no problem. Me too, actually -- something's just come up. Some other time, then?" 

The second week...

  
"Hey! It's me..... Fancy a picnic?? We'll bring those little salmon and cucumber finger sandwiches you like." 

"Aah... I'm... terribly, sorry, my dear. I'm... looking for my coin! I seem to have lost it! Can't find it anywhere! I really must go!" 

  
"Oh, well I'll--"

  
Aziraphale hung up quite abruptly. Crowley jerked his head back, looking at the phone, feeling quite insulted. 

  
"Well, alright then," he said and he hung up.

  
"I could have helped."

The third week, Aziraphale didn't even pick up. Crowley had left a message.

  
"Hey! It's me again. Yknow. Crowley. Uum.... h-how's it going?.... I was just.... thinking. About.... ducks. And, and, uh... Thought I might.... check up. See if you'd like to feed 'em or.... something. Call me back when you get this. Bye."

After hanging up, Crowley pressed his fingers to his temples, pinpointing Aziraphale -- He wanted to be sure everything was alright. Wasn't like the angel not to answer the phone. 

  
Turned out Aziraphale was in his bookshop. Crowley could feel him -- He felt distressed. He wasn't in danger, there wasn't an urgency to it, but he wasn't happy. Something was eating at him. What was going on? Was the sex thing really that big a deal? Or was there something else going on that Crowley wasn't aware of? 

  
It encouraged the demon to leave the flat, get into his Bentley and drive by the shop. He looked through the windows and found that Aziraphale was smiling at someone, just beaming, at some woman. 

  
Crowley's brows creased and raised over his Valentinos. Seeing him like that really smarted -- here Crowley was, feeling like everything was falling apart, while Aziraphale was having a nice, happy little chat with a random human. 

  
It made him question himself. What he felt, that distress.... had that been Aziraphale's? Or had it been his own? Aziraphale certainly didn't look distressed. 

  
Crowley went back home and waited for the phone to ring. He might have been pacing the floors, had that been his style, but he was more of the sit there in silent turmoil type. So that's what he did; he draped himself over his throne, loose and relaxed, and stared grumpily at the telephone. 

  
After all they'd been through together, could Aziraphale really drop him so easily? 

  
A couple days later, Crowley realised he wouldn't be getting a call. 

  
"Hm. I don't care. I don't need him," the demon said aloud. He couldn't stand to think of the angel anymore. He needed a distraction, so he snapped and turned the TV on. 

  
"I hate it when you lie," were the words that came out it. Crowley stiffened and listened.

  
"I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

  
The demon grimaced and snapped again, changing the channel. 

  
"Don’t say we aren’t right for each other, the way I see it is. We aren’t right for anyone else."

  
He sighed and snapped again. 

  
"I have a love and it’s all that I have. Right or wrong, what can I do? I love him, I’m his and everything he is I am, too. I love him, we’re one. There’s nothing to be --" 

  
This time he rolled his eyes and hissed dramatically before snapping.

  
"Soul mates. It’s extremely rare, but it exis--."

  
Snap. 

  
"I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you’re with --"

  
Snap. 

  
"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forev--"

  
Crowley growled. SNAP, SNAP, SNAP! 

  
The TV exploded. Crowley jumped, wide-eyed, and looked over at the TV. The screen went black and there was smoke coming from it.

  
"Ooh--!" he exclaimed in dismay. He hadn't actually meant to do that. He turned his head away and glared at his plants. 

  
He became struck by a sudden urge to yell at the bastards. So he got out of his chair and sauntered over, teeth clenched as he eyed them angrily. They were all looking perfectly well... 

  
Except that one, in the corner. The one he focused on a bit longer than usual, the one that spotted spottily before his very eyes. 

  
"Oh, would you look at this!" he cried, and the plants began to shake. 

  
"Just when you think everything's going perfectly well, they go and spot on you!" Crowley yelled, as if to himself, then he focused on the plant.

  
"You'll never be good enough, will you?" he asked it. He pressed his lips together and shook his head back and forth, letting out a big sigh.

  
"You'll destroy every other plant you touch. You know what this means...? It means you're going to have a visit with The Chipper." 

  
The other plants didn't know what "The Chipper" was, but they shook harder than before as Crowley picked up the potted plant and took it down the hall and into the other room.

  
(What this newly spotted plant would find out, is that around that corner, there was a big, black, silky-smooth wood-chipping machine. What was once a beautiful and lively rubber tree plant, would become nothing more than ground up dirt with the occasional speck of green.)

  
Crowley returned with the pot and placed it in the middle of the room, as he always did.

  
It made him feel better, for at least three minutes, before his thoughts were soon taken over by a soft-spoken, plump, stupidly-clever and cleverly-stupid angel. His frown grew and there was a sadness in his serpent eyes. 

  
What was the point of helping to save the world if they wouldn't be together in the end?

  
Crowley imagined it -- a life without Aziraphale (it really was a disadvantage, at times, being a demon with an imagination). 

  
He knew what it felt like -- he'd felt it before, when the bookshop was burned down and he'd thought Aziraphale had been killed. He'd not felt a pain like it in all of his years of existence. Not even falling could compare to knowing that the one person in the entire universe he could relate to, that understood him, that stuck by him, that -- that he lo-- truly cared for, was gone. It'd been absolutely soul crushing. And he knew a thing or two about Soul Crushing. He hadn't cared what would happen to him, when he thought Aziraphale was gone. He'd known if he survived, went off to Alpha Centauri, that the rest of his existence would be spent alone and miserable. So he'd planned to stay on Earth, let whatever happened happen. He'd imagined he would be discorporated in one way or another, be sent down to Hell and destroyed. Didn't really matter because what would have been the point of living anyway? 

  
Crowley came out of the memory and was brought back into the present. He was reminded that Aziraphale hadn't been killed. He was still here -- only fifteen minutes away. He was alive, and Crowley wasn't going to let a stupid little thing like this keep them apart. He couldn't give up. He wouldn't. Refused. He was going to see Aziraphale, today. He just needed to make a few pit stops first...

  
\------ ------ ------

  
Crowley sped to Aziraphale's bookshop with Queen blasting on the blaupunkt.

  
_Don't play hard to get_  
_It's a free world_  
_All you have to do is fall in love_  
_Play the game, yeah_  
_Everybody plays the game of love_  
_Oh yeah_  
_My game of love has just begun_  
_Love runs from my head down to my toes_  
_My love is pumping through my veins_  
_Play the game_  
_Driving me insane_  
_Come come come come_  
_Play the game_  
_Play the game_  
_Play the game_  
_Play the game_

  
A parking space just opened up as he pulled onto the street, thanks to a demonic miracle, and he took it. He got out of the car, looked right then left as he crossed the street to the bookshop. 

  
Before knocking, he looked around, to see if anyone was watching. It was quite a busy street so he momentarily stopped time. He didn't want to draw any attention to himself -- He snapped and just then, it started raining heavily from above Crowley -- JUST above Crowley. A single rain cloud, right above him. He then knocked on the door. 

  
Aziraphale drew the shades, looking at Crowley.

  
The sight of the angel, of catching his attention for even a moment, had Crowley's heart jumping in his chest. Normally he could prevent his corporation from reacting so humanly -- but Aziraphale had a way of making it nearly impossible. Bastard.

  
"Can I come in??" Crowley called out, trying his best to look pitiful.

  
Aziraphale smiled nervously, swallowed, looked down and then made his way to the door. He opened it and laughed an anxious laugh.

  
"Ah-- hah. Hell-Hello," he said. 

  
Crowley rushed in past him. Aziraphale hesitated, shut the door, and only then did the rain cloud disappear and time resume. Crowley was suddenly dry. 

  
"I... didn't realise it had been raining," Aziraphale said.

  
"Yuh. Isolated thunderstorms," Crowley said. "Here," he looked around the bookshop while handing Aziraphale a book.

  
"What's this?" the angel asked.

  
"Book." 

  
Crowley walked in further, put a box on the table. 

"Devil's food cake. Golden Gate Cake Shop," Crowley explained. It was Aziraphale's favourite cake from his favourite bakery in the area. 

  
Aziraphale was still looking at the book, his eyes twinkling and a smile on his plump face. It was Shakespeare's first folio -- one of the books Adam had replaced with a Richmal Crompton book.

  
"Oh! Oh, thank you so very --" he came up to Crowley, looking absolutely enamoured, with his wrinkled forehead and his grateful smile.... But when he came close enough to Crowley, he suddenly stopped speaking and his smile disappeared. He cleared his throat. 

  
"What is all this about?" Aziraphale asked. Crowley played it cool. 

  
"Oh, y'know. I was in the area, just..." Crowley shook his head back and forth as he thought up an excuse. "... thought I'd...." He looked around, sniffed. Nonchalant. "... drop by." 

  
There was a moment of silence as Aziraphale watched Crowley. The angel then slouched over, as if he couldn't bare holding himself up any longer. There was a sadness on his face. 

  
"Listen..." he started, softly. "About what happened.... the other day." 

  
"S'been three weeks, but go on," Crowley replied. 

  
"Three weeks. Yes. About that. I... it's not that I'm not.... curious about it," Aziraphale continued, unable to keep looking at Crowley. 

  
"It?" asked Crowley. He wanted to hear Aziraphale say it. 

  
"Yes, the, uh..." Aziraphale clearned his throat. "Lustful. Activity. As it were. But--- I'm an ANGEL, I'm not-- there are certain things an ethereal being such as myself just simply shouldn't partake in." 

"Why shouldn't you?" Crowley asked, looking over at Aziraphale. 

  
It wasn't that he even cared about the sex thing -- he'd only been curious, after all. In fact, if Aziraphale had told him he simply wasn't interested, Crowley would have been fine with it.

  
But now, this was about much more than sex. This was about Aziraphale going back to the whole 'I'm an angel, you're a demon' thing. That meant he was still THEIRS -- he and Aziraphale were supposed to be on their OWN side. 

  
"You know very well why..." the angel responded. Crowley arched a brow, giving him a look. 

  
"It would be... bad!" Aziraphale cried.

"What's it matter, s'not like they're watching anymore. You can do whatever you want, nobody's stopping you," said Crowley, leaning closer. Aziraphale backed up slowly. Crowley frowned. 

"Heaven may not be watching anymore.... but SHE is, and there are certain things that she expects of angels."

  
"How do you know what she expects? Thought it was ineffable."

  
"The Divine Plan is ineffable, yes, but there are still rules that must be followed--"

  
"Right, was giving away your flaming sword OnE oF tHe RuLeS then?" Crowley mocked.

  
"That was diff--"

"Was, was CONSORTING with the enemy one of the rules? Hm?" Crowley was getting a bit irritated -- more than irritated.

"I, no, but --"

"Was anything you've ever done --" he started, a bit louder, but Aziraphale cut him off.

"YOU may be fine with being a demon, but I am NOT! I would like to REMAIN an angel, thank you very much, and to do that, I mustn't do the things that you do! Lest I end up like.... like..... well, you!"

  
Crowley froze. Ouch. It took him a moment to regain his bearings.

  
"Really? You're still going back to that, after everything we've been through together?" Crowley asked. His voice this time was low, soft. 

  
Aziraphale looked at him with shining, wet eyes and a big frown. He spoke just as softly when he responded.

"I...I know we're no longer... on Heaven or Hell's side, but we.... we ARE still an angel and a demon, and there are certain.... risks--"

  
Crowley couldn't take it anymore.

"Ah, ah. No. No. I've had enough. Don't want to hear another word. I'm leaving," Crowley said and he pushed past Aziraphale, heading for the door. 

  
"Have fun following the rules. You know, not eating, because, y'know, that would be oh so gluttonous of you. And, and--not reading. Might be a bit slothful, that, can't be too careful."

Aziraphale looked much like a wounded animal. 

  
"I'll be out here. Experiencing the pleasures of earth," Crowley said, opening the door then spinning quick, to look back at Aziraphale. "Because, I mean, that's what it was all for, wasn't it? Save the planet so we could live on it? Experience all it has to offer?" 

  
And with that, he left. He got into the Bentley with an ache in his chest and went straight to the Club, where he engaged in a lot of sinful activity. He drank, took some pills a lady offered him, drank, snorted a bit of coke. Got a lap dance. Drank some more. Danced. At one point, he got stuck between snake and human form and had to rush to the restroom so that he could sober up and fix himself. When he came out, all eyes were on him -- he was questioned. He smiled and laughed. 

  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he'd said. "Must be the lighting...." Turning around, he added "And the drugs...." Then he left. 

  
He went back to his flat. A couple hours passed before he called Aziraphale, unsure if he'd even answer -- but he did, and the second he did, Crowley started speaking.

  
"Angel, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It wasn't even about the sex, I don't care, it was--"

"C-Crowley, please. My dear, I... forgive you. But I... I think we should... spend some time apart." 

Crowley's brows creased and his lips parted, twitching. He was quiet for a long time -- so was Aziraphale. 

  
"For how long?" asked Crowley, trying his best to keep himself composed. 

  
"I'm... not entirely sure. No longer than a decade. It's just ... there are some things that I must... think over. I do hope you understand." 

"Oohh, pfftt, yeah. Yeah. 'Course. Mmyeah. Yuh, you know, nn, I was thinking the same thing, actually. Could use some time for myself. Go to the museum -- start a book club, nibble on lemon tarts, that sort of thing. Demon stuff," Crowley went on.

  
"Oh! Start a bookclub?" Aziraphale asked, and he sounded rather excited by the idea.

"Yeah. Big one."

  
"Lemon tarts?"

"Loads of 'em."

"I... well, that sounds ... marvelous. Um. Great minds do think alike, they say... But... ah... Yes, some time apart. Will you... still have this number?" asked Aziraphale.

  
"........Yeah," Crowley responded. He'd still have the number. Still be in the same flat. He wasn't going to leave, not unless Aziraphale did. He was going to wait, right here, until Aziraphale was ready. 

  
"Alright. Well. Pip pip," he said, and then he hung up. Crowley hung up as well. He stood still a moment.

  
"No longer than a decade," he sighed. "Least it's not a century, right?" 

  
With that said, he made his way out of the office and into the plant room. As he walked by, all the plants began to wilt. They turned black, the leaves started falling off, then they turned to ash completely. He turned left and stepped into the bedroom, snapped and was wearing his black silk pyjamas. He then got into bed (a white, king sized mattress, several gray pillows. A black bedboard and a silk blanket that was black at the bottom and faded to white at the top), planning to sleep the decade away. The waterfall above his bed was soothing enough, he thought he might be able to sleep. He shut his eyes. All he could see was Aziraphale. Six-thousand years worth of Aziraphale. 

  
"Tartan's stylish."

"You're a demon." 

"Oh-- bebop."

"I asked for a rubber duck."

  
"I'm am an angel, you are a demon."

"We're on opposite sides." 

"I suppose I should say thank you... for the... rescue." 

"It's over!"

"I forgive you." 

  
"I like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit of a good person."

  
"You go too fast for me, Crowley." 

He had gone too fast, hadn't he? Never should have asked about the blasted sex thing. He'd gone too fast and now he had to wait an entire decade before seeing the angel again. After everything they'd been through together, a decade would feel like a century. He already..... well. Missed him. Aziraphale. 

  
Growling, Crowley turned over onto his side. Might have more luck on his side, he thought. Didn't help any. Too many thoughts. Maybe his other side? No. Not working. His stomach, that might work. No. Still thinking. Maybe it was the bed? He tried the floor. Mm, no luck. Tried the wall. The ceiling. He even left the bedroom, went to the revolving door of the office and tried sleeping on that as it slowly spun around. Wasn't working. 

  
Irritated, Crowley decided instead to drink. He snapped his usual clothes back on. He had a wide variety of all different types of alcohol and he was going to take advantage of that. He had rum. Vodka. Tequila. Gin. Brandy. Beer. Sake. Whisky. Wine. He drank each bottle till it was empty.

  
"Ss'o great 'bout bein' n'angel anyway???" Crowley asked the sketch of Mona Lisa. 

  
Eventually, he ended up in the shower. With his clothes on. Didn't matter, anyway.

  
**END FLASHBACK**

  
_Thought of you as my mountaintop_  
_Thought of you as my peak_  
_Thought of you as everything_  
_I've had, but couldn't keep_  
_I've had, but.... couldn't keep_  
_Linger oooooon your pale blue eyes_  
_Linger oooooon your pale blue eyes_

"Too-- mm, too fast, ss'my -- sss--- ss'my bad." 

  
Drink, drink, drink. 

  
"Wasn-- wasn my fault. I -- I didn't know I was gonna fall! One minute-- I'm n' angel, next minute -- my wwings are on fire!" 

  
Drink, drink, drink.

  
All of a sudden, Crowley heard a noise. Or at least, he thought he heard a noise. Sounded a lot like.... 

  
"Crowley?" 

  
"Aziraphale?" Crowley whispered to himself, eyes wide. He snapped and appeared just outside the lavatory, fully dry. And there was Aziraphale! Two Aziraphales, actually. They were turned the other way, looking for him. 

  
The angel turned around, spotted Crowley, and jumped. 

  
"Oh! Um... hello," he said, bringing his hands together.

  
"What're you doing here??" Crowley asked, squinting at the Aziraphales. He then looked down at his two watches. "S'it been a decade yet??"

  
"No, it's.... been about seven days. I... I tried to call you, but you didn't answer and I thought.... well, I thought it might be best if I came by in person."

  
Aziraphale stepped closer until he became one Aziraphale instead of two. Crowley's brows creased. It was painful, seeing him. He wondered if it was real. 

  
"You're really here?" he asked. 

  
"I am here, yes. Truly. But, um..... would it be too much trouble to.... sober up?"

"I-- no,s'not too much trouble--" Crowley said, and did just that. Once he could see Aziraphale clearly, he realised the angel looked quite anxious -- a bit sad too. 

"Thank you.... Ah.... There's something I should tell you," Aziraphale said, looking down at this hands, then into Crowley's eyes, then down at the floor.

"What is it?" Crowley asked, brows pinched together -- what the deuce was this ? Crowley sniffed. There was that distress again, stronger than ever. So it was his, after all. 

"Well.... the reason I.... The reason I thought we should spend some time apart is because I. Well. I-I do.... want to. Experience.... 'Earthly pleasures' with you, my dear, and it's.... that is to say, I ..... I might have..... handled..... myself," Aziraphale made a fist with his hand and moved it. Crowley's lips parted and his eyes widened. Did he really just do that?? 

  
"The other day...." Aziraphale continued. "After we, uh..... once we parted, and....." 

Crowley stared off at the wall for a moment, unable to hear anything as Aziraphale continued talking. HE HANDLED HIMSELF??? 

"Wait, hang on," Crowley interrupted, raising a finger. "You.... you had a wank ??" 

"You don't have to put it like THAT--" 

  
Crowley ignored him. HE HANDLED HIMSELF?????

"You, you honestly --- thinking of me??" Crowley asked, squinting at Aziraphale, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing.

"Yes, alright! Yes! I did, I took ahold of my.... my angelhood," the angel continued. Crowley's lips parted and his eyes widened.

"Your angelhood....?" he asked, leaning back.

"Yes, and -- this isn't funny, Crowley!"

Crowley tried to keep the smile off his face but it was nearly impossible. Not only did Aziraphale WANK, but he did it, with him in mind! This was one of the best days of his life. 

  
"ANGELHOOD???" 

  
"This is quite serious!" Aziraphale exclaimed. "I have -- ! Ooh, it's better if I just show you." 

Aziraphale then brought his wings over from the 5th dimension, keeping them tucked in and closed. Crowley watched in confusion. What was the angel trying to show him? Frowning, looking utterly defeated, Aziraphale slowly turned around then spread his right wing. On the back of it, there were little black spots, all along his feathers. 

  
"The, uh..... lustful activity.... has..... resulted in some rather undesirable side effects. As you see, some of my.... feathers.... they've become.... darker in colour. And I'm afraid if I.... continue, if WE continue, heading in the direction we've been, that my wings will turn completely, and I'll..... I won't be ME anymore." 

  
Crowley stood still. Memories of his own fall came rushing back, flooding his mind with images of his own wings. Spotting like his plants -- And when you spotted, you were gone. But how was this possible? Aziraphale wasn't even in Heaven. He was on Earth. How could he Fall if he was on Earth? If Heaven wasn't watching? Was this all part of the Big Plan? 

  
"I had planned to spend some time apart, to.... keep it in check, until I no longer... WANTED," said Aziraphale.

  
Crowley stepped forward until he was just inches from the angel's wings. He squinted, looking closer and closer. He reached out to feel the feather and then he yanked it out.

  
"Ow!" Aziraphale cried and he went to turn around but Crowley kept him in place. "What on Earth are you doing!" 

  
The feather reappeared, this time pure white. If they were really turning black, it'd have reappeared black. Not white.

"Aziraphale -- you stupid angel, they're not -- they're not SPOTTING."

  
"They--they're not??"

  
"No! They're STAINED. You've got something on them, looks like.... ink," Crowley said, turning the feather this way and that. Aziraphale turned around and Crowley showed him the feather. The angel took it, his fingers touching Crowley's as he did. He looked at it long and hard, then he smiled in relief. 

  
"Oh! I did spill a bit of ink, now that you mention it!" He looked from the feather to Crowley, blue eyes wide and hopeful. "I'd been reading for quite some time and I thought I might get up, stretch my wings, and well ..... one of them hit the ink bottle. It was a great, big mess. But, ah.... well! I daresay! It seems we won't have to spend time apart, after all! Isn't this just wonderful news!" 

  
Crowley arched a brow and started circling around Aziraphale.

  
"Yes....yes, it is. Wonderful news. Very good news. Now you know you can wank all you like and nothing will come of it," Crowley said, and Aziraphale opened his mouth to speak, as if to protest, but shut it when the demon continued.

  
"Just think of what else you could get away with. Obviously the Almighty favours you -- you'd have fallen a long time ago if She didn't. I'd make the most of that if I were you."

  
"What would you suggest I do?" Aziraphale asked, a huff of laughter, the corner of his lips turning upward in a quick half-smile. 

  
".......Ooohh, I'm sure we'll think of something," Crowley said, and he stopped circling Aziraphale once he was just in front of him. He looked deeply into those pale blue eyes of his. Neither of them said a word -- 

  
\------ ------ ------

  
A few moments later, and the both of them were in Crowley's bedroom. On the bed. Naked. 

  
Crowley was above Aziraphale, whose legs were on either side of the demon as he moved, ever so slowly, inside the angel, savouring every sensation. He was so tight, and hot, and -- 

  
"Oohh, angeel, you feel sssoo bloody good---" Crowley rasped. Back and forth, back and forth. Crowley shut his eyes and grit his teeth while Aziraphale whined and moaned and groaned. Those SOUNDS he made, Crowley needed to hear more. He moved a bit faster, a bit harder -- looking down at Aziraphale, his eyes having gone full snake (couldn't focus on keeping them looking more humanish), to see what he was doing to the lovely bastard. 

  
Aziraphale's face was scrunched up, his brows creasing, forehead wrinkled. Pure ecstacy, Crowley thought, and it was all because of him. 

  
"Crooohhh! Crowley! You, you you--- you DEVIL! You wicked-- wily serpent!" 

  
Ooh, that's what he liked to hear.

  
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!" Crowley cursed, unable not to as his cock became more and more sensitive. He moved faster and harder and harder and faster until his hips were slapping against the angel's arse, sloppy and wet and just completely sinful in all the right ways. He took ahold of the angel's, mm, angelhood, and stroked him at the same speed his hips moved. Aziraphale was slick and Crowley's fist slid over his length effortlessly. 

  
"Oh! Oh, Crow--Crowley! Please! Yes! Ooh, that's --- that's -- oh, my!" Aziraphaled begged, and Crowley couldn't take it -- was about to come, but he held back using a bit of demonic intervention. He wasn't going to come until Aziraphale did -- 

  
"Come on, c'mon! Come on, angel, come with me, come all over!!" he demanded, stroking, pounding. Aziraphale started moving with him, those manicured fingers digging into his back as he practically screamed. And then he finally came, mouth open wide, tears streaming down his cheeks. Crowley stared at him, not blinking, wouldn't dare to look away, and then he allowed himself to come. 

  
"Oh! Oh! Shit,shit! Aziraphaaale!!" Crowley moaned and groaned, saying the angel's name through clenched teeth. He released deep inside, filling Aziraphale up with his heat. He didn't stop moving, even as he came -- only once he was completely empty. He then pulled out very slowly and collapsed on the bed beside the angel. 

  
Then they both just rested there, eyes shut until they recovered. Aziraphale was the first to open his eyes. He straightened his legs, looking over at the demon shyly, and folding his hands over his stomach. Crowley opened his eyes after, and the whites were back in them as he looked over at Aziraphale. Seeing the angel's sheepish expression, the tears on his cheek, Crowley reached out and brushed his thumb over the wetness, wiping them away. Aziraphale smiled at him so gently and then he raised his hand and snapped the mess away. Crowley leaned up on his elbow.

  
"So," he said. 

  
"So," Aziraphale repeated.

  
"How.... was it?" Crowley asked. 

  
"Well. I can see why the humans do it, even without the intention to reproduce."

"You liked it, then?"

  
"I...." Aziraphale looked at Crowley, looked at the ceiling, then back at Crowley. He softened, letting out a sigh. "Yes. Very much, if I'm being honest," he confessed.

  
"Me too," Crowley responded. There was a moment of silence before.... 

  
"You... want to go again? Could swap places." 

  
Aziraphale looked at Crowley with excitement in his eyes. He tried to hide a smile but to no avail. His eyes twinkled, sparkled, and then he suddenly looked quite mischievous.

  
"I'd be delighted," the angel said. Crowley's heart skipped a beat -- he never could control his corporeal form when he was around Aziraphale. This bastard was definitely worth knowing.

  
**END**


End file.
